Wednesday, September 5, 2007

a little backstory....and a little tmi

Like I mentioned in my previous post, dh and I are both late 30's.....well, I say late...I'll be 37 in a couple of months so I guess that is technically late. We've only been married two years, so you can do the math and see that we met later in life. I, like many of my friends, spent the majority of my 20's either in undergrad or grad school, and then embarking on my first job. I played a lot, traveled a lot, drank a lot, and generally just goofed off a lot. I made a huge mistake and married someone who had treated me bad for years. Seriously bad. We dated for five years, and during that time he pushed me around, held a gun to my head on numerous occassions, and verbally abused me. So of course I made the brilliant decsion to marry him. Oh, did I mention that he'd been married 3 times before and had 4 children who were almost grown and who wanted nothing to do with him. Yep, I'm a genius. I was going to SAVE this guy. Everyone else in the world hated him, but I knew if I loved him enough and was "good enough" he would change....Yeah right. Welll, since the name of this blog isn't "Dumb and Dumber" that's all I'm going to sav about him.....Fortunately I wised up, got divorced, and met the man of my dreams a few years later.....

My husband now is everything I ever wanted. After my divorce before I started dating again I made a list of the qualities that the man of my dreams would have. I won't bore you with the details, but they mainly centered around being a good person and wanting to have a family. On a lark, I joined I hadn't even been on log enough to put up a profile or to meet anyone, when I saw his pic. Now, before anyone gags at the thought of meeting your soul mate online....let me ask you, what else should I have done?? I was 33 at the time, single in a city with no friends (all my friends were HIS friends, so when we divorced not only did he get the dog, he got the friends...although when I ran into one the other day they told me he was now completely crazy and none of the friends still were in touch with him....). Anyways, I knew no one outside of my social circle with him. I thought about joining a church, but was too chicken to go on my own, plus I wasn't sure if joining a church to meet someone was really the "good" thing to do........After almost a year of nursing my wounds and trying to figure out why I would be in such a damaging relationship, I was ready to venture back into the dating world. Online dating seemed like a good way to start. So I see his pic, and he has the best smile ever. We IM'd that night, emailed for several days, went on a date, and were together pretty much from that point on.
We've been together 4 years, married 2 of those years. He's my rock, my strength, my best friend. Out of everyone in the world, he's the one person I never get tired of. He has given me the confidence to go out and make my own friends again, which I've done. I now have a circle of girlfriends that are always there for me. I've come to see that there was nothing wrong with me, my ex was the damaged one. Sure, I have to be responsible for the fact that I stayed with him. I'm still not sure why. But I'm also responsible for the fact that I left him, without a penny to my name and with hardly any support. I found my own place, paid my own rent, got promoted at my job. I found the man of my dreams, I've made my own network of friends. I've moved on with my life.......

so if I'm going to take responsibility for being such an idiot and staying with him, I'm also going to take the credit for getting out. And that feels really good.

SO that's my story of why I met dh (dear husband) so late in life. He of course has his own story as to why he was single and had never been married in his mid 30's. Suffice it to say, I thank God every day that his past girlfriends were not THE one for him, and that God brought us together......For the country music fans out there, probably many of you know the song "Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts. Every time I hear it, I smile, and think of him. Because truly, "God Bless the Broken Road, that led me straight to him."

Now on to the TMI portion....For those of you out there who have ttc, you can share my enthusiasm in that I'm getting really good ewcm (I won't go into the details, but those of you ttc know what this means!) I am hoping to get a positive on my ovulation predictor test tonight, and the next few days will be devoted to bd'ing........I so hope this works. I'll save the details of our ttc journey for another post, but it's been hard for us. I found out shortly before last Christmas that I was expecting and at church Christmas Eve I kept thinking that the next year we'd be there with our baby. It hurts so much that this won't happen now. I do hope and pray that I'm pregnant by Christmas. Not to replace the baby we lost, but to maybe take away the sting a little.

1 comment:

nancy said...

wow almost exact same as me ...just started trying fter lost my girl at 23 weeks in June- but I am almost 44! dont worry your baby will come I am sure of it