Monday, September 17, 2007

I HATE the 2ww

I HATE the 2ww. I'm trying to not obsess. I'm trying to not count and recount the days...I'm TRYING to think of something besides this. But it's not working. I feel a little bit like I'm losing my mind today. My desire to be pregnant again is so strong. I feel such a loss, such an emptiness. I want to have that hope again. I want to get to know dh as a father. I want to plan the nursery, buy maternity clothes, and look at baby announcements. I want to do all the things I should have gotten to do months ago. And most of all, I want to bring home a healthy baby from the hospital....which is what I should have been doing about 3 weeks ago.

I have so much to be thankful for. I have a wonderful life. But the desire to become a mother is so all consuming, nothing can take away that ache.

I'm going to go sneak away from work and call the doctor to see about getting clomid for next cycle. Please pray that there is no "next cycle" for me and that prescription never gets used

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