clomid.....

So af did show in full force, just as I expected. I was bummed for a day or so, then started thinking about the next cycle...That's one thing with ttc, there's always the next month...and then the next month..and then the month after that. It is nice that each new month brings a new hope though.

I did take the plunge and decided to start the clomid. The doc has me on 50mg CD 5-9. I'm on my second day...so far no major side effects. I've had a headache all day, but that may very well be due to allergies......I'm trying to not take anything for it...I'm sure it would be fine to take a Tylenol, but I just feel like the less I put into my body the better. I'll probably break down and take one before bed so I can sleep.

The doc has agreed to try the clomid for 3 months. If we're not pregnant by then, we'll go back to the RE in Jan. The RE is the specialist, and we'll talk to them about either doing IUI or IVF. IUI is a lot cheaper (which is important because our insurance isn't covering any of this) but IVF has a much higher success rate. Also, a very cool thing with IVF is they can do the pre-implantation genetic testing...so they would be able to test the embryos for possible genetic problems before placing them back. That would greatly reduce the chance of another genetic problem.

It's just so hard to know what to do. A part of me feels like we're "playing God". Antoher part of me just wants a baby. And I guess we are blessed to live in today's society, where medicine has advanced so much. In years past, a woman in my position probably would have just had to accept the fact that she wasn't going to have a baby. At least we have options.

A girl I work with was due a week before me (and another due two weeks after me....). The one due right before me had her baby at work today. I had dreaded seeing her, thinking it would be too painful and would only remind me of what I SHOULD have right now. I'm happy to say, it wasn't that hard. He's adorable, and she seems very happy. Sure, a part of me aches and wishes it was me. But there's also a part of me that was genuinely happy for me. And I'm proud of that part of me.